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1.1. Background of the Study

The knowledge and culture of each country is exchanged through translation works. Translation means a process of transferring or rendering a message from a source language into a target one.
In translating a text (novel, poem, story, short story, play etc.), a translator transfers not only the language, but also the messages. Some translators use word for word (literal) translation method to be precise and clear while others utilize relevant translation procedures in order to be more natural and coherent.
In this term paper, the most common procedures found in Ma Thanegi’s translation, “Close Proximity” which is the short story named “????????????” by Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay, will be discussed.

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1.2. Scope and Limitations of the Study

The scope of this paper is literal and word-for-word translation methods, and the limitation of the study is translation procedures. Instead of using all the procedures, this paper emphasises on one scholar, Peter Newmark’s procedures centered on Culture-specific Concepts (CSCs) to compare and contrast the words, ideas and context in the short story.

1.3. Aims and Objectives

a) To study the literal and word for word translation by means of translation procedures
b) To classify the target language used by certain procedures
c) To explore the common mistakes done by non-native English translator
d) To explore findings and make comments on the choice of words in the target language

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2. Literature Review

2.1. Translation Theories

2.1.1. Translationese

“Translationese is related to translation universals since the characteristics mentioned above may be due to common translation phenomena such as interference, explicitation and domestication.” (Munday, 2004, p. 12)

According to the theory, lexical and syntactic meanings of the translation should be clear and relevant; however, there may be grammatical or ungrammatical structures. In some cases, the language can be awkward or unnatural for a native speaker, and this is defined as translationese.

2.1.2. Universals of Translation

“Specific characteristics that, it is hypothesized are typical of translated language as distinct from non-translated language. This would be the same whatever the language pair involved and might include greater cohesion and explicitation (with reduced ambiguity) and the fact that a TT is normally longer than a ST.” (Munday, 2004, p.7)

Based on this theory, it is either to be conducted by means of literal or free translation.

2.1.2. Literal (word-for-word) Translation

Peter Newmark (1988) stated, “Literal translation is correct and must not be avoided, if it secures referential and pragmatic equivalence to the original,” and, “literal translation ranges from one word to one word, through group to group, collocation to collocation, clause to clause, to sentence to sentence.” (Newmark, 1988, p. 69)

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2.2. Translation Procedures

This paper focuses on Newmark’s translation procedures. There are (15) procedures according to Peter Newmark (1988).
The followings are the most commonly found in the translated short story.

2.2.1. Transference

Newmark’s procedure of transference is transferring a Source Language(SL) word to a Target Language(TL) text. The alternation of the alphabets, such as the names of the living and non-living things, are included in this procedure and after that these words become loan words as there is no enough words in the TL. (Newmark, 1988, p. 81)

2.2.2. Naturalization

Naturalization goes beyond transference. When SL words are difficult to be translated due to the absence of identical or relevant words in both languages, this procedure changes the SL words as TL. (Newmark, 1988, p. 82)

2.2.3. Cultural Equivalent

This procedure is explicit in transferring the information into TL because the SL cultural words are substituted into TL ones. (Newmark, 1988, p. 82)

2.2.4. Descriptive Equivalent

The descriptive equivalent is used in describing the precise details of cultural words, such as the manners or the shape of artefacts that can only be seen in one culture. (Newmark, 1988, p. 83)

2.2.5. Synonymy

It is translating the SL words into the nearest TL without considering the precise equivalent. Here the quality of word is not important and there is no clear one-to-one equivalent. This procedure is used where the literal translation is not carried out. (Newmark, 1988, p. 84)

2.2.6. Shifts or Transpositions

The act of using different grammatical structures while generating from source language to target language is called shifts or transpositions. (Newmark, 1988, p. 85)

2.2.7. Modulation

When the translator uses the expressions that are completely different from SL but the meanings remain unchanged, this procedure is called modulation and used especially in the case of no identical words in TL. (Newmark, 1988, p. 88)

2.2.8. Compensation

Compensation is rendering SL to TL, in which the translator compensates the loss of meaning to make more sense. (Newmark, 1988, p. 90)

2.2.9. Componential Analysis

In componential analysis, a SL word is compared with a TL word “which has a similar meaning but is not an obvious one-to-one equivalent,” by showing the common one first, then their varying sense components. (Newmark, 1988, p. 114)

2.2.10. Couplets
i. Reduction

This kind of procedure is not accurate in transferring the information into TL because the translator reduces some words in SL to get better information in TL. It can be found mostly in poor written texts. (Newmark, 1988, p. 90)

ii. Expansion

This is also imprecise procedure mostly found in poor written texts. The translator adds some words to get better sense for the TL readers. (Newmark, 1988, p. 90)

2.2.11. Notes, Addition, Glosses
i. Notes

Notes are used to give further explanations and information of the meaning of words and, or contexts. (Newmark, 1988, p. 91)

ii. Addition

When the words in Source Text are cultural, the translator gives additional information about it within Target Text different from notes and glosses. (Newmark, 1988, p. 91)

2.3. Biographies of the authors
2.3.1. Biography of Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay

Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay was born in Bogalay Township, Ayeyarwaddy Region in 1917. Her real name was Ma Tin Hlaing. She began her career in 1936, publishing her article in the Myanma Alin newspaper. In 1939, together with her husband, she published the Journal Kyaw newspaper and therefore, “Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay” became her pen name. She got the audience’s hearts as a novelist, publisher and journalist. The young writers recognized her as one of the most admired writers. Among her works, Thu Lo Lu (A Man like Him) and Mone Ywa Mahu (Not out of Hate) has been translated into English and other languages. She got two Burmese Literary Prizes with the novel “Not out of Hate” and “A Slow Stream of Thoughts and Burmese Medicine Tales”. (Selected Myanmar Short Stories, 2009, p. 238)

2.3.2. Biography of Ma Thanegi

Ma Thanegi was born in Yangon in 1946. She works as a freelance translator who translates Burmese Literary works into English, French and German. Besides, she is an editor of Enchanting Myanmar. In 1997, she published “The Burmese Fairy Tale”, describing the change of the Burmese regime. Although she is not a professional translator, she has translated the biography “A man like him” by Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay into English. (Selected Myanmar Short Stories, 2009, p. 244)

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2.4. Synopsis

U Po Sein and Daw Pan U had not been talking to each other since their last quarrel which was caused by repressed anger. Their daughter, Ma Thaw, got stuck in the middle of their conflict and she could not get married.
The story starts with Ma Thaw preparing Soon at dawn for U Po Sein’s 75th Birthday. While Ma Thaw was struggling to build fire, her mother came in nagging, and started cooking her rice. Daw Pan U did not like the idea of borrowing fire from her daughter’s stove as she swore to herself that she would not touch her husband’s belongings, the same went with U Po Sein.
The flashback explained the couple’s despise towards each other. Their relationship turned sour since Ma Thaw’s childhood. Being in an arranged marriage, they had been in an awkward relationship as well as they share different perspectives. Their mutual misunderstanding grew stronger day by day. When frustration bottled up too much, it all exploded and they started using separate kitchens.
Before saying prayers, U Po Sein asked his daughter where the Zatar was, and complained that he could not find it in his usual place. This sounded to his wife offending and she was upset. They quarrelled each other using Ma Thaw as a medium. Later, he found out that it was just being misplaced by himself.
After things were settled, he finally said his prayers and Daw Pan U also started preparing to offer Soon. At the end of each prayers, they blessed all creatures which made Ma Thaw doubt about her parents’ genuity in their blessings. All she wished was that her parents to be reconciled with each other.

3. Research Methodology

3.1. Research Method

Analysing the chosen short story with translation procedures was carried out qualitatively.

3.2. Research Procedure

First of all, short stories that are available in both Myanmar and English versions were searched thoroughly through various sources such as libraries, bookstores, the Internet, etc. After choosing the story, translation theories were studied and collected data from a range of various sources like curriculum (A Textbook of Translation, Peter Newmark, 1988), other reliable websites and different works of scholars. The translated story was analysed by translation procedures of Newmark using dictionaries and websites.

3.3. Research Questions
• How did the translator manage to translate according to the procedures?
• What kind of usage did the translator use when translating the novel?
• What are the translationese in grammar and usage that can be found in translating into English?
• How the translation procedures are important in translating?

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4. Analysis of the translationese of literal (word for word) translation in Close Proximity by Ma Thanegi from “????????????” by Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay

In “Close Proximity”, the translator used couplets most. Second common procedure is cultural equivalent and is followed by modulation, synonymy, transpositions, etc., respectively. As this term paper mainly focused on Myanmar to English translation, the translator also used other procedures such as natrualisation, transference, notes and additions in order to highlight our Myanmar culture.
4.1. Transference

Source Language : ?????????????? ???????????? ???????????????????
Target Language : The Full Moon of Waso was U Pho Sein’s Birthday; he was 75.

In above example, ‘?????’ is translated into ‘Waso’ by means of word-for-word translation. Rendering the SL word to TL text, the translator used the transference procedure as there is lack of vocabulary for the SL word ‘?????’ in TL.

4.2. Naturalization

SL TL
1. ????? – Soon
2. ???? – Zatar

Two obvious examples of naturalization are ‘Soon’ and ‘Zatar.’
As for the first example, the word ‘?????’, which literally means ‘rice for the monks’, is directly translated into ‘Soon’. Similarly, the second example ‘????’ is interpreted into ‘Zatar’.

4.3. Cultural Equivalent

Source Language : ?????????????????? ?????????????????? ???????????????????????????
Target Language : She had to do something to stop this from getting out of hand when they were just about to do an act of merits.

In this example, it means “before offering dawn soon.” However, the translator used “to do an act of merit” as the cultural equivalent because they have the same sense, but it is not accurate.

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4.4. Descriptive Equivalent

SL TL
??????? – Triangular gong
The prominent example of this procedure is the word ‘???????’ which is a brass gong that is struck at the end of the prayer to share good deeds with all creatures. The translator translated this word into ‘triangular gong’ by describing the triangle shape of ‘???????’.

4.5. Synonymy

Example 1:
Source Language : ??????????????? ??????? ????????????? ????? ??????????????? ?????????????????? ???????????????
Target Language : She had a sudden urge to enter a nunnery and leave behind this wretched life of being caught between her two parents

Example 2:
Source Language : ???????????????????????? ????? ???????????? ??????????????????
Target Language : The choking feeling rose to tighten her throat.

The first prominent one is “????????????? ?????” which is translated into “this wretched life.” The next one is “????????????????????????” which is translated into “the choking feeling.” Thus it can be said that the translator used synonymy procedure in these examples as there is no clear one-to-one equivalent in TL.

4.6. Shifts (or) Transpositions

Example 1:
Source Language : ????????? ???????????????
Target Language : set up a separate kitchen

Example 2:
Source Language : ??????????? ?????????????? ????? ?????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????? ??????? ??????????
Target Language : Daw Pan U washed her face, and then sat down to light the fire of another stove opposite from the one Ma Thaw was using

In the first example, grammatical changes are done to be coherent in the target language. Literally, “?????????” should be translated into “in the kitchen,” (prepositional phrase), but the translator used a noun phrase “a separate kitchen” with the phrasal verb “set up”.
In the latter, “????? ??????” can also be translated into “her stove”. However, the translator shifted the grammatical form as “the one Ma Thaw was using”.

4.7. Modulation

Source Language : ????????????????????????? ????????????? ?????????????????????? ????? ?????? ?????
Target Language : Ma Thaw felt a rush of relief to see the freshly coated Zatar left out to dry on the bookcase.

If ‘??????’ has to be translated by means of literal translation, it can be just said ‘relieved’ which is the direct meaning for the word, but the translator wants to show that Ma Thaw felt a rush of relief and it can be considered that the translator used modulation procedure for “the cause for effect”.

4.8. Compensation

Source Language : ??????? ????????????????????????? ????????????
Target Language : I heard someone saying he should give his Zatar another coat of oil.

The SL means that “I heard – I want my Zatar to coat with crude oil,” whereas it is interpreted with additional information; it also needed another coating. This shows that the translator has already had the knowledge of Zatar having been coated once and now needing another new coating. Rendering SL to TL, the translator compensated the loss of meaning to make more sense. Therefore, the procedure of compensation is found in this example.

4.9. Componential analysis

Source Language : ?????????????????????? ????????????????????
Target Language : When you were born, I wasn’t even out of maternity period.

In this example, ‘???’ in the SL literally means fire or light or passion or electricity or brilliance (of gems). But here, it is going to be wrong if the literal meaning is used. Here, ‘???’ is written as a short form of ‘????????’ which is defined as post-natal confinement of seven days in a sauna-like chamber. When using componential analysis, the lexical word ‘???’ is translated into sense components “maternity period”.

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4.10. Couplets
4.10.1. Reduction

Source Language : ??????????? ?????????????
Target Laguage : left the pineapple

In this example, “??????????? ????????” means “pineapple which is still being peeled.” With sense, the translator omitted its state and only left with “the pineapple”.

4.10.2. Expansion

Source Language : ?????????? ?????????????? ?????????
Target Language : She would often wonder who that man was when she saw him.

To be an exact meaning, it should be translated into “She would often wonder who that man was”. However, the translator used expansion procedure by adding “when she saw him”. This is also an imprecise procedure to explicit from implicit. The important thing is that it can mislead the readers.

4.11. Notes, Addition, Glosses

4.11.1 Notes

In the translated short story, the translator used footnotes such as “3Food offered to monks or at the shrine” for ‘Soon’ and “11A palm leaf packet with astrological calculations made at a person’s birth” for ‘Zatar’. With the help of notes, the readers can easily guess the meaning and gain the knowledge about the culture of SL.

4.11.2 Addition

Source Language : ??????????????????
Target Language : a woven box with his clothes and stuff

The exact meaning of “??????????????????” is “a woven box”. On the other hand, the translator used addition “with clothes and stuff” to give information about culture. For that kind of procedure, the reader can find it within the text different from notes and glosses.
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5. Findings and Discussions

5.1. Finding New Terms

By analyzing the short story, unfamiliar usages in English are discovered with the help of dictionaries. These remarkable lexicons enrich the learners with the ranges of vocabularies.

In the story, the author describes “fire” in different usages. However, the translator changed slightly the original words in SL rather than describing it directly in TL, not to make readers misunderstand. For example, the translator used in respective ways such as:
SL TL
1. ??????? light up the firewood/ get the fire to light
2. ??????? blow into the stove/keep the fire going
3. ?????? bring that fire/ light a fire
4. ???????? get her stove to be lit
5. ???????????????????? still not working
Similarly, learners will find less difficulty in describing the vocabularies of Myanmar snacks by reading the translated work.
SL TL
1. Palm sugar pellets ????????
2. Cane sugar slabs ??????

Another finding of usage is the verb phrase “smart from the smoke” translated from “????????????(???)”. The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines “smart (from something)” as “to feel a sharp stinging pain in a part of your body”. This usage is uncommon for Myanmar students as ‘smart’ is used only for the adjectival quality of positivity whereas “smoke” is commonly used as “choke with smoke.”

5.2. Finding Grammatical Usage

Regarding grammatical structure, for is normally followed by noun or phrase. However, the translator used the complete sentence after the word ‘for’ to give reason. This structure is hardly found in the translated version. The example is shown as below:
Source Text : ??????? ?????? ?????? ???????????? ?????
Target Text : for he would be away treating patients in other villages

5.3. Finding of Translationese

It is obvious that the translator endeavoured to avoid translationese. At first, the word ‘?????’ was translated into ‘Soon’ by naturalization. Later, for the noun phrase ‘?????????’, it is translated as ‘rice pot’, which showed that it is sometimes better not to stick to the rule of translation procedure in order to make it sound more natural.

It is found that some communicative dialogues are interpreted by means of literal translation to sound more alive.
ST TT
1. ???????? ????????????????? – What a messy way to do things.
2. ????????? ???????????? – Not at all in order.
3. ??????? ?????????? – What a disaster.
In example (1), the author mentioned the character of Ma Thaw by being clumsy according to the dialogue of U Po Sein. Since there is no equivalent translation to this kind of ST, the translator rendered it with the other similar words.

In example (3), the meaning of ST is changed completely. When it should be focused on how difficult it is to talk about the lost things, it is interpreted differently, as if it is a nightmare or a misery.

However in example (2), the actual expression of SL does not exist in that of TL. Therefore, it is written with relevant phrases.
In these cases, word-for-word translation is invalid to use and literal translation plays a stronger role. This also applied to the noun phrase and the clause as given below:

SL TL
1. ?????????????? – the empty biscuit tin
2. ????????????????????????? – the roof was leaking
In the first SL word, it is easy to understand due to its descriptive translation. This literal translation indirectly described the culture of SL. In Myanmar, when the tin of biscuit or snack is emptied, it is used to keep things. Knowing this fact, the message is filled with further information.
Similarly, due to the lack of relevant word, the second SL word “?????????????” is rendered into “the roof” to suit the context and to build meaningful context.

Source Language : …????????????????????? ???????????? ??????? ???????? ???????????????????????????
Target Language : …Ma Thaw concentrated on the feeling of reverence that welled up in her chest, even as her fingers went on cutting the fruit.
The translator interpreted the clause of “?????????????????” into “her fingers went on cutting the fruit” to be coherent in the target language; instead of using “she” the translator used “her fingers”.

5.4. Discussing Translationese

In “close proximity”, the translator also did some awkwardness and ungrammaticality in the Target Language.

5.4.1. Translationese in Usage

The exclamatory word “???” (p. 183) in SL text which expresses the speaker’s impatience, is translated into “See here”(p.19). According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, “see here” is defined as “to introduce a statement when one wants someone to notice what one is saying.”

Source Language : ????????????????
Target Language : an easy chair
In the culture of English language, “????????????????” can be translated into “a deck chair”. Although the translator uses “an easy chair”, which is uncommon in English society, it does not make the reader to get a sense of chair with long seat.

Source Language : ?????????????? ??????????????? ?????????? ????????????????????
Target Language : Her father sat with his prayer beads as he waited for her to bring the offerings.
In the above example, the TL “sat with his prayer beads” only covers in the SL “??????????.” The translator used the reduction as the word “????” is left out in the TL.
Moreover, the word “?????????” has already the equivalent SL word “tell (one’s) beads, according to iAbidan Dictionary. Therefore, the suggested translation here is “U Po Sein was sitting and telling his beads while he was waiting for the offerings from her.” using the direct meaning with shift procedure.

Analysis of Translated Words using Literal Translation
No SL TL Suggested Translation
1 ????????? salt fish salted fish
2 ???????? ???????? Pot aluminum pot and pan
3 ??????????? Dates candied dates (or) date jam
4 ?????????????? popped rice balls Popcorn

In No 1, the word “?????????” is translated as “salt fish” using one to one translation. Grammatically, it better to use as “salted fish” using the same translation method.
In No 2, the word “???????? ?????????” is translated only as “pot” in a general sense as a cooking pot. Also it only covers as “????? ????” in the SL. In addition, the word “pot” can mean many things such as flower pot, tea pot, chamber pot, etc. Therefore, as in the dictionary, iAbidan, it is better to translate literally as “aluminum pot and pan.”
In No 3, the word “???????????” is translated only as “dates.” Here, dates mean just only the fruits of a date palm and it leaves out “???” in the SL. In the SL, “???” means “jam” or “candied fruit.” Thus, if the “???????????” is crystallized fruit in the translator’s thought, “candied dates” could be used. In the same way, when the translator pops up with the idea of jelly or paste, he could translate as “date jam” literally.
In No 4, the word “??????????????” is translated only as “popped rice balls” using functional equivalent. In this case, it should be just used “popcorn” as the TL word has SL equivalent.

5.4.2. Translationese in Grammar

Last but not least, the translator made some mistakes which completely change the meaning. For example, the word “????????????????”, which has the meaning of frightened, is translated into “fed up”. Those two words have significant contradicting meaning. According to Longman Dictionary, the definition of “fed up” is “annoyed or bored”. Moreover, in some cases, the translator sometimes made some deviations in collocation, such as “gave a thumb to her own forehead” which is not even used in English language. This usage is translated directly from “?????????? ?????????????”

Other cases are described as below:
Source Language : ???????? ???????? ????????? ??????????? ??????????? ???????????????????? ???????????? ????????? ?????????????? ????????????????????? ??????????????????? ?????????? ???????????? ????????????? ??????????????? ?????????? ???????? ????????
Target Language : Ma Thaw hurried to set the tray, making sure she was not forgetting anything and only half heard her mother; it might also be that she has heard the same words for over a hundred times from Daw Pan U and she got used to it.
In this example, the SL is written in three sentences see “?” which is the same as “full stop” in English. Unlike the SL, the TL is using only one sentence. As the whole short story is mostly used culturally related words, this kind of translation may seem to the reader that the context is complex and difficult to enjoy the story. For the translation, the longer the sentence, the more the awkwardness. Like from the above the example, there are some errors grammatically (verb forms and comma) as it is combining lots of clauses. So, it is good to write the sentence simply.

Source Language : ??????????????????
Target Language : Is the rice full age number?
In this sentence, the translator translated the original meaning using some shifts. So, the SL can be easily understood while the TL is awkward in native sense as only Myanmar could catch up with that cultural sense. It could be better to translate using some compensation like, “Are the spoons of rice equivalent with my age?”

This is another example.
Original translation:
After while he got up and taking down a longyi from a clothes line and throwing it over his shoulder, walked off into the village.
Better translation:
After a while he got up and took down a longyi from a clothes line and threw it over his shoulder, walked off into the village.

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6. Conclusion

The translated version of the short story is analyzed using Newmark translation procedures. The information used in this paper was searched through textbooks, libraries and the Internet. Instead of using the translation procedures appropriately, the translator paraphrased the SL to the TL with literal and cultural sense. In other words, the translator did not use the words that have already existed in the TL in translating some words. Also, some usages in the translation, which are completely different in meaning with the SL, are found. Besides, there are other translationese like using a long-complicated sentence in translation whereas the original short story has two to three sentences. Moreover, it is found that some translation in the TL are quite awkward for the native speakers. It is very important to apply the relevant translation procedures in the relevant situations and circumstances. From this study, the translators should be aware of the proper language use that is natural for the native speakers.
To sum up, there are many benefits gained by analyzing Ma Thanegi’s translation. First of all, much knowledge about cultural words, general usages and old-fashioned grammatical pattern is acquired. Secondly, while analyzing, it is found that the 12 translation procedures of Peter Newmark are used with examples from the short story. From the procedure emphasized, it is learnt that what things should be considered and avoided when translating. Besides, throughout this term paper, research skills such as dealing to find out concrete and solid information on the Internet and adapting to give out strong citations, are developed. Moreover, analyzing skill, team work skill, and digital skill are also improved through this term paper. Overall, this is dedicated to all the learners with the intention of becoming better and more fluent in translating.
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References

• Harvard Referencing Generator. 2018. Harvard Referencing Generator | We love referencing! ONLINE Available at: http://www.harvardgenerator.com/. Accessed 19 July 2018.
• Hatim, B., 2004. Translation: An Advanced Resource Book. Routledge.
• Ma Thanegi, 2009. Selected Myanmar Short Stories. Unity Publishing House.
• Newmark, N., 1987. Textbook of Translation. Prentice Hall Longman ELT.

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Appendix

i. The original copy of “????????????” by Journal Kyaw Ma Ma Lay
ii. The original copy of Close Proximity by Ma Thanegi

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